How Getting Judged Didn't Change My Life

Okay, I get it.

The title makes you nauseous.

Have some patience and it’d make some sense.

I’m sure something relatable could be found in this small effort of mine.

So hua kuch yun tha……

I was beginning with my half-MBA (another story :p) and we were supposed to give a presentation on some topic in Marketing.

It was all new and chaotic. We were being taught how corporates work( they failed I must say ) and for that purpose, we were working alone, in groups of 3 and 5 and doing yoga and what not.

Anyway, the professor, the great professor who had already gained the notoriety of making you question your very useless existence was waiting for us to begin.

The class was full.

Eagerly waiting for the massacre to commence.

For some reason, I was the one who was supposed to take the first bullet. I still do not remember why did I agree to do it.

But nevertheless, I was ready to begin. 

There was a pin drop silence. Everybody was waiting to for us to begin and have fun, literally fun which had nothing to do with learning or knowledge.

I started. 

Now I do not recall the exact part that I presented but I guess it had to do something with the types of Marketing or something.

My part was over. It took me 5 minutes to finish. 

He used to start with the insults as soon as any part ended.

Mine had ended.

He spoke, “ Let us give this young man a round of applause.”

The class applauded.

I froze. I was waiting for the assault.

“When I saw you, I thought you'd be a total disaster. You've a stubble, you're wearing a stud and your shirt is tucked outside in. I am surprised, pleasantly surprised by you.”

I wanted to jump and say “fuck you all. I win. I am the greatest.”

I just smiled. I was calm and nodded.

I stepped aside and the presentation continued.

After the class got over, I ran to him and asked why?

He replied very nonchalantly “ You look that way.”

“That way?”

“Somebody who's not interested in studies. A rich spoiled brat, who has come here to have fun.”

“But…”

“You might not be that way and in fact, after the presentation, I believe that you're pretty smart but you look that way and you’d be judged based on your looks unless you're allowed to speak.”

“That’s not fair. I can't help the way I look.”

“I know but that’s how it is right now and will be in the future as well.”

I was confused. I was just given an applause by the whole class and the strictest professor I had ever met had praised me but I have also just been told by one of the brightest minds I have ever met that the way I look will always be a hinderance in my academic and professional pursuits.

I turned back and went back to class.

This episode has stayed with me. I wondered how people everywhere are same. 

You expect learned ones to behave differently but I can assure you that you'd be disappointed.

I have been getting disappointed ever since and I am talking about the best of the institutions of our country.

It might seem amusing to see somebody like me complaining about being treated differently but as luck would have it, I have my battles.

And unfortunately, I got caught up in this spiral of trying to prove myself to the world that I am more than just a pretty face.

I have left a college aspired by thousands, I have left a job wanted by millions and I have refused admission to one of the best colleges in India, not once but twice.
It became tragic for me.

But I have had my, a term coined by, I don't know, maybe me, Happy Realisation.

We all get judged for something or the other. We get judged for doing and for not doing. We get judged for speaking and for not speaking as well. So, there’s no pleasing this world.

It is time to stop proving and start living.

I can’t stop others from judging and I, obviously can’t change the way I look( also, why the fuck would I :p), after all, 

Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna

Chodo bekar ki baaton ko, kahin beet na jade rainaa………