When I Met Myself

“You look sad.” Wise Me said.

“What are you even talking about. I'm fine.” I said.

“You know, being fine is probably the worst you can be.” 

I hated Wise Me. Why does he have to make sense all the time ?

“Who’s happy these days, anyway ?” I retorted.

“A lot of people who want to be. And is it a good argument that you're giving for not being happy ?” Wise me.

Arrggggghhh….

How he got on my nerves ! 

“Okay. I am not happy. Are you happy now ?”

“Why would I be happy about that. Remember you and me, we’re not different.”

“Then how come you're always at peace with things and indifferent to troubles ?”

“I am not indifferent or cold. I am a part of you. You should know how I work.” Wise me said. 

It felt as if he was being mean to me but I, for once, asked calmly “It’s not that simple and you know that.”

“Achcha tell me, do you think you're a good person ?”

I didn’t have an answer for that. May be I’ve never thought about it or may be i just didn't want to think about it.

After a silence of 2 minutes I replied, “ No, I do not think I'm a good person but isn't everything grey. I mean there is no right or wrong. It’s always about perspectives.” 

“I asked you a simple question and you gave me your elaborate defense.” 

Since Wise Me understood me, he knew I’d not have a comeback for this, he continued “ So, you do not think you're a good man and its ok to have that feeling. At least you're honest to yourself if not to others.”

“How does that help ?” I asked.

“Well, you're off to a good start. Most people realize about themselves when its either too late to react or they're too afraid to try. Now all you need to do is to start listening to me.”

We shared a chuckle here and let me tell you it’s very rare that we do that.

“I know you. You’re impulsive, self obsessed, pretty dog headed about really stupid things.”

“Well thanks for illuminating me. But these are your faults as well.” 

“I’m a part of you; not you. Just like you've a part that’s self-obsessed, a part that’s utterly stupid and a part which is beautifully caring.”

I looked at him with helplessness.

“You’re flawed like everybody else. But your mistake is that you do not keep a check on the wrong sides of yourself. You let them overpower the good ones. Now, that is dangerous and troubling.”

“But the people around me….”

“You can’t control them. You have to control yourself. In the end, nobody will be responsible for your acts but you. So choose wisely. Your acts and especially your words. Words hurt more than you can imagine. They stay with you, so make sure you choose your words very, very carefully”

It all came back to me. All the things I had done, knowingly. All those people I had hurt or said something inappropriate to, everything came as a flashback. I wanted to go back in time and apologize. I wanted to tell them I do not mean them and I’m really sorry.

“Life isn't fair that way. You live with your mistakes and should learn from them. They are a part of your learning process. What you did then wasn't right but that has probably helped you come so far and also helped you realize and feel what you're feeling right now. So do not go that in vain. Everybody has their own battles and everybody goes through their share of pain. This is yours. Embrace it and use it as a weapon and a shield.”

“Wow ! You should talk to me more often.”

“You bring me out only when you talk to others.”

Another laughter shared. This was good.

“You’ve to understand something. In this life, what goes around comes around. You cheat someone, you'd be cheated. You hurt someone, you’d also get hurt. So, be nice to people and try to bring a smile on their faces whenever you're around.”

“I can’t believe you are a part of me.”

“Well I’m present in everybody. You chose to listen to me this time.”

I smiled. It was of gratitude and acceptance.